This page houses my collection of phone pests I've accumulated over the years: Scammers, spammers, and idiots who just can't seem to figure out how to dial a number correctly. I'm posting them here because it makes me feel better. If you ever need a fake phone number to enter into a web form or give to a company that you don't want to have your real number, please feel welcome to use these. Or if you're just in the mood for making prank calls.

201-590-1595
201-680-0639
201-688-0811
202-516-9212
202-844-1631
206-487-5092
208-766-2529
209-286-3663
209-674-7098
212-603-1154
213-298-3770
214-308-7009
215-278-8404
216-854-0922
217-267-5506
217-303-5175
217-401-4286
217-408-2403
217-423-7002
217-502-7001
217-582-4203
217-648-2479
217-648-2481
217-648-2483
217-663-7317
217-663-7478
217-663-7773
217-666-0207
217-673-7189
217-803-0471
224-534-6606
224-539-0016
234-217-0305
239-541-6791
251-660-2910
253-343-9079
262-475-8051
267-001-0002
267-291-4814
269-288-8632
281-231-0167
301-298-1646
302-440-1374
303-423-1775
305-676-5976
305-713-1010
309-265-0588
309-472-8608
309-573-9348
309-588-6928
309-631-0607
309-635-3373
309-643-7058
309-645-7631
309-648-1431
309-648-1576
309-648-2188
309-648-2481
309-648-2671
309-648-3211
309-648-3426
309-648-3475
309-648-3828
309-648-4144
309-648-4186
309-648-4579
309-648-4787
309-648-5247
309-648-5442
309-648-6839
309-648-7277
309-648-7668
309-648-7942
309-648-7954
309-648-8192
309-648-8425
309-648-8474
309-648-8793
309-648-8921
309-648-9346
309-648-9909
309-649-0204
309-649-0373
309-649-0786
309-649-0802
309-649-0814
309-649-0876
309-671-8768
309-696-6552
309-832-0383
309-839-4836
309-857-0209
310-419-7845
312-300-4951
312-436-1281
312-448-9834
312-471-2513
312-489-5535
312-489-8711
312-489-8762
312-509-4188
312-596-9357
312-610-1919
312-628-5506
312-638-1345
312-690-7959
312-697-1289
312-697-1493
312-702-2786
312-809-5974
312-818-3426
312-940-4660
312-948-8437
312-948-8974
312-980-9008
312-980-9064
313-209-6547
313-444-1018
314-380-6344
319-984-4006
323-205-1693
337-319-8512
340-488-2503
347-676-2735
347-892-4987
352-200-6909
401-200-8645
401-648-6768
404-441-1396
407-205-0093
407-947-5820
408-329-7947
409-466-1069
410-844-5554
414-448-6355
415-316-0380
441-740-6505
484-625-2479
501-800-5087
507-299-4506
512-593-8389
516-274-1752
517-343-3111
518-879-6138
559-775-0026
561-945-0907
617-242-8873
617-318-4014
618-248-3411
619-291-2380
619-291-2565
631-318-7097
631-619-8583
651-337-5213
667-308-9519
678-318-0010
682-267-1935
702-857-7435
719-270-2070
732-222-1666
740-650-5598
747-204-1880
762-200-0687
762-231-2012
762-524-8374
773-217-7022
773-322-2285
773-341-1429
773-538-3363
779-208-3431
779-208-3461
779-208-3491
779-221-8062
779-221-8066
779-221-8072
779-648-2479
779-903-0007
781-925-5522
786-219-0525
800-933-7057
803-291-2505
815-209-9869
815-265-6095
815-315-4913
815-374-1085
815-977-7474
815-977-8148
816-465-0224
817-363-2375
844-275-7677
844-275-7700
844-275-7775
847-613-1169
855-900-4911
855-999-7669
864-721-8006
866-273-4202
866-489-5441
866-733-9348
866-933-7348
878-201-0297
888-246-6890
914-509-6360
920-485-3500
920-485-3503
940-241-9071
970-718-0166
972-312-8202
985-218-0303
989-623-6521

A lot of people are surprised to learn that I still do not carry a mobile phone. It's true. I see phone calls as an unwelcome intrusion into my life, and I dislike them. It's partly because I got completely burnt out on them from a previous job where I was on-call 24/7 a good part of the time (system and database support for a hospital network). But it's mostly because of Janet Benson.

Janet Benson was my sister's best friend in high school, and she was also the most annoying human alive. You know the stereotype of the dumb blonde? Well Janet Benson actualized that stereotype. They say that stereotypes have to come from somewhere, and in the case of the dumb blonde stereotype, it came from Janet Benson. Let me share with you a few stories so that you may better understand.

One time, my sister and Janet Benson were out "cruising" after school. That's where kids would drive around aimlessly because they lived in a tiny bumblefuck town where there was nothing else to do and no Internet for entertainment because it was the late 1980s / early 1990s. Anyway. Janet Benson told my sister that she wanted to get home in time to watch the six o'clock news, because there was something being shown on it that night that she wanted to see.

So she asks my sister.

What time.

The six... o'clock... news... starts.

When my sister gave her a look that said, "Are you kidding me?" Janet Benson replied, "It's at five, right?"

Another time, my sister and Janet Benson were "cruising" with a third friend, and the third friend mentioned she had to get her car fixed because there was something wrong with the engine. Janet Benson's response? "The engine? That's under the car, right?"

My sister swears that these and many other similar stories are true, and I believe her, because I knew Janet Benson. You see, my sister did not always go out "cruising" with Janet Benson after school. Sometimes she did other things with other friends. And when that happened, Janet Benson would call our house attempting to locate her, because there were no mobile phones because it was the late 1980s / early 1990s. And I would always have to answer it. I was not allowed to not answer it, because it might be our aging grandparents needing help, except it was never once our aging grandparents needing help, it was always Janet Benson.

Me: Hello?

Janet Benson: Is [sister] there?

Me: No.

Janet Benson: Well where is she?

Me: I don't know.

Janet Benson: Well what time will she be back?

Me: I don't know.

Janet Benson (after thinking really hard for about half a second): Okay bye.

And then that same scintellating exchange would repeat itself every five minutes.

Have you ever seen the Christopher Nolan film Memento? It's about a guy trying to find his wife's killer, only he has brain damage and no short-term memory, so every few minutes he forgets everything he's just experienced. I swear Janet Benson suffered from the same condition. She would hang up the phone and her entire memory of what had transpired would trickle out of her brain like the last bit of pancake syrup in the bottle. The last thing she would remember is, "I've gotta call [sister]!" and she would immediately pick up the phone and dial again, constantly interrupting me.

And that. Is why to this day I see phone calls as an unwelcome intrusion into my life, and why I dislike them, and why I refuse to carry a mobile phone.

There is an epilogue to this story. My sister is still friends with Janet Benson, but she (mercifully) lives a very long distance away. A few years ago, my sister went to visit her. They found a little bar where they could have some drinks and catch up. Their server told them the bar was having a special that day, $2 on all domestic beer. Janet Benson's response? "Well... I've never had that kind before. I'll just have a Budweiser!"